Still Hate it After All These Years
Something I've never been able to get comfortable with, as long as Daddy and I have been married, is when he takes control of ... certain things.
We aren't Daddy/little girl all the time. It isn't possible, with our careers and busy lives, to stay in the role at all times. For example, I usually need to drive myself to work, I usually make my own meals (most often not meals that require more talent than the average three year old possesses), I do not thrive on watching Disney cartoons and doing colouring pages for real entertainment. This is all understood.
Still, I am his little girl all the time, even when I have to be a big girl. And with that in mind, I still ask his permission to go out, I ask him what I may make to eat, and I obey him (almost always!). We don't have "bathroom play" in our relationship. It's not something that interests either of us at all. But there is something closely akin to it that Daddy ocassionally insists upon and I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it!!
At times, usually on weekends, Daddy decides I need to be reminded of my place. This happens when I forget to ask permission about things. Then he makes me be his real baby for an extended period of time. During that time, I'm not allowed to do anything grown up. I'm not allowed to have my coffee. I'm not allowed to talk on the phone with my friends. I'm fed his version of babyfood (gag, he makes it in the blender), and I stay in my sleepers. And the part that's really hard for me is that he makes me wear diapers.
Even though this has been a part of our relationship for years and years and years, I have never gotten fully comfortable with the diaper thing. It's beyond embarrassing. It's completely and totally disempowering. I mean, most parts of ageplay are disempowering from the perspective of the little one. But this goes far beyond being spanked or sent to the corner or grounded. This is Daddy having control over the very most basic functions of my body and it makes me so mortified, sometimes, that I want to refuse to wear them and get dressed and run away!
He knows it's hard for me. He knows I have a terribly hard time with diapers. That's why he makes me do it when I've gotten too "Big", because it strips me right down to infancy. There are aspects of being diapered that are so loving and sweet. It isn't painful and it isn't a real "punishment". It's just a complete stripping away of all self-control and all privacy and it's so completely embarrassing I don't know if I'll ever get comfortable with it.
Of course, I don't think I'm meant to be comfortable with it.
We aren't Daddy/little girl all the time. It isn't possible, with our careers and busy lives, to stay in the role at all times. For example, I usually need to drive myself to work, I usually make my own meals (most often not meals that require more talent than the average three year old possesses), I do not thrive on watching Disney cartoons and doing colouring pages for real entertainment. This is all understood.
Still, I am his little girl all the time, even when I have to be a big girl. And with that in mind, I still ask his permission to go out, I ask him what I may make to eat, and I obey him (almost always!). We don't have "bathroom play" in our relationship. It's not something that interests either of us at all. But there is something closely akin to it that Daddy ocassionally insists upon and I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it!!
At times, usually on weekends, Daddy decides I need to be reminded of my place. This happens when I forget to ask permission about things. Then he makes me be his real baby for an extended period of time. During that time, I'm not allowed to do anything grown up. I'm not allowed to have my coffee. I'm not allowed to talk on the phone with my friends. I'm fed his version of babyfood (gag, he makes it in the blender), and I stay in my sleepers. And the part that's really hard for me is that he makes me wear diapers.
Even though this has been a part of our relationship for years and years and years, I have never gotten fully comfortable with the diaper thing. It's beyond embarrassing. It's completely and totally disempowering. I mean, most parts of ageplay are disempowering from the perspective of the little one. But this goes far beyond being spanked or sent to the corner or grounded. This is Daddy having control over the very most basic functions of my body and it makes me so mortified, sometimes, that I want to refuse to wear them and get dressed and run away!
He knows it's hard for me. He knows I have a terribly hard time with diapers. That's why he makes me do it when I've gotten too "Big", because it strips me right down to infancy. There are aspects of being diapered that are so loving and sweet. It isn't painful and it isn't a real "punishment". It's just a complete stripping away of all self-control and all privacy and it's so completely embarrassing I don't know if I'll ever get comfortable with it.
Of course, I don't think I'm meant to be comfortable with it.
posted by Ireland's daughter at Saturday, December 03, 2005
6 Comments:
I think if it really bothers you maybe you should renegotiate the issue. My understanding is that renegotiations happen all the time in the bdsm world.
Hi daddy's little one. Sorry I've been so slow to get back to you. I will write about these things you mentioned, or maybe ask him to. He's far better at explaining and I just get embarrased! Either way, your questions will be answered for sure.
Hi ice_princess. You're absolutely right about renegotiation and we have always had a relationship that is open to discussion like that.
I guess it's hard to explain how I can hate something so much and still have it make me feel tremendously loved and cared for. But spanking works the same way. I don't actually enjoy being spanked and pain does not turn me on at all. It's just the knowledge that he *will* spank me, and has many times before, that makes me feel secure and loved and treasured. It's a hard thing to explain and describe to others because much of what he does me is things I do not actually enjoy while they are happening. It's the psychological power of knowing that some things aren't for me to decide anymore and that he has the authority to do as he wishes with me. I'm a sick woman, I know. ;)
I don't think you're a sick woman at all. Please don't think I felt that way. I was just thinking if it bothers you that you should bring it up. Your husband seems to be from my experience with him all be it brief and limited a reasonable man who would listen to your opinions and genuinely cares. Makes me a little jealous...wish I had that in my life. Anyway I enjoy both your blogs. Oh and I understand we have something in common I was 22 when I got married, I'm turning 29 next year though so we're not exactly the same age.
Would it be possible for daddy's little one and ireland's daughter to contact me for a little discussion about the use of enemas? (blush)
On a slightly different note, I have really enjoyed reading your blogs this evening. I've done a lot of relating and wondering.
For the sake of background, I believe I am a daddy's girl in the making with a very wise, loving partner.
You can email me at intothewoods61@yahoo.com.
Best to all...
I understand and empathize with the disempowerment felt by being made to wear diapers. Though in my experience this vulnerability is as a result of many different impositions, of which diapers are only a facet, depending upon the individual and the relationship.
My position with my Sir lasted for over 8 years and started when I was young and very eager to submit. We experimented and explored; he introduced mechanisms of control, tested limits and pushed boundaries. Certain elements were implemented early and evolved over time, remaining fixed components of our power exchange: specifically diapers, enemas, and 'anal training' as behavioral modification routines. Each compromised my sense of control at such a base level that I felt suspended in my submissive role, helpless and vulnerable, and humiliated.
Toward the middle of our lengthy time together, the frequency of such routines increased. Whether there is a classification for that sort of role or not (i.e. toilet slave), I was being molded over time to be something other than what I thought I was. I was nearly always in diapers, sometimes months at a time - the only compromise being that I fought for the privilege of autonomy outside of our home, which was not always accepted. I was trained to accept my circumstances, and over time, through conditioning, began to fall into my role.
The reason for our separation, which still remains difficult some two years later, was that when I pleaded for compromise - the ability to step in and out of his role for me - he punished me by withdrawing affection. It became clear over time that unless I played by the rules as they were laid out by Him, he would place a barrier between Himself and me leaving me in a overwhelmingly vulnerable space, alone.
Be thankful for the middle ground, moderation, and someone who genuinely cares for you enough to consider your feelings past what desires may be. At the same time, don't allow yourself to go too deeply into the rabbit hole - two years later and I still consider calling Him and telling Him that I'm ready to submit...
I went through three phases of being in diapers.
First was enchanting in that I knew it pleased him so much. I would want to wear them lots. I loved it. I loved filling them for him and staying in them for long periods till I was changed
Second, was after about two months. Now being in diapers so often was loosing its enchantment. Not for him, but for me. The problem was the not for him aspect of it.
Third was accepting that I would be in diapers most of the time forever. Wearing them still makes me feel good knowing that it pleases him so much. After several years now of being what he calls his diapered wife, I have come to totally accept it.
I am 24/7 now and life is wonderful. I work professionally and remain stealth at work. I have gorgeous clothes, an active social life and know that I will use my diapers exclusively every day. He always asks me if all is ok down there, still insists on my kissing him when I poop in my diaper and loves to watch me sit in it afterward.
Susan
Post a Comment
<< Home