Diaper Expectations
Daddy's little one said...
I was wondering if your Daddy makes you actually *use* the diapers and also if he ever makes you take enemas like my Daddy does?
I was thinking I would let HIM answer this one because it's sort of an awkward discussion for me, but he's been so busy at work the last couple of week (in preparation for time off). So I asked him last night if he thought he would have time to tackle this question any time soon and I was rewarded by having him tell me that I was required to reply to it myself. I'm going to answer in two parts. Today I'll answer the diaper question.
So here we go...
First of all, he does make me use the diapers. As of yet, I think that this is probably the most difficult thing he has required of me in our relationship. I find it really really really difficult, even now, after many years of marriage, to be able to do that without a lot of anxiety and embarrassment. I think I've explained that we are not a couple that does diapering all the time, so perhaps this is why I've never gotten accustomed to it enough for it to stop being difficult, or perhaps it's just that I am a private person in many ways. When he first began diapering me he did not require me to use them, and would usually only leave me in them for a short time. This was something I actually really enjoyed (once I recovered from the initial reluctance), and found comforting and sweet. The ritual of being diapered is rather lovely, intimate and tender.
When he first suggested that one day I would be be expected to use the diapers, I completely balked. I told him I would never ever do that. He was gentle in his insistence but he told me that one day I certainly would and that when he decided it was time, I would do as I was told. He didn't insist on it immediately but began increasing the time spent diapered so that it became more and more difficult for me not to. That, coupled with his insistence on plenty of fluids made it inevitable that the time would come when I had no choice.
When the day came that he decided it was time, I had been diapered for a few hours and was getting desperate. He'd been feeding me juice all morning and I really needed to go. I asked his permission to go to the washroom and he said no, that the time had come that I was going to use my diaper for the first time. I flatly refused. He smiled and said he would wait. The thing is that you just KNOW you're going to lose a battle like that. But I crossed my legs stubbornly for as long as I could (only about fifteen more minutes) and then begged some more. I was actually upset, feeling kind of panicky, certain that I simply could NOT do what he wanted me to do. I was also blushing like crazy, something I hate about being fair-skinned when you just cannot hide how you feel!
I ended up in tears, begging him not to make me do this and he was very sweet and gentle but also very much in charge. He picked me up and carried me to the washroom and sat me on the toilet, still wearing the diaper, and wiped my eyes and hugged me to him and made me take deep breaths until I was calm again. (As I recollect this experience, it is with fondness, in spite of how difficult it was and still is, for me to do this. )
So, because I was at such a level of desperation, my stubbornness was fading and I tried to listen to his words and block out my own fears. It's a strange thing how sitting on the toilet, in that familiar position, made it much more possible to allow myself to do what he wanted me to. And so I did. I let go and I cried and cried and cried as well. It was such a letting go of personal control and giving him a part of my private self that I never thought I would give away to anyone.
He understood how difficult that was, that first time. He was incredibly reassuring, holding me and hugging me and telling me he was proud of me for trusting him, for doing as he asked. I really did feel like his babygirl when he lifted me back up and laid me down for a changing. I was blushy and so shy about that, but he made me feel safe and loved all through it so it was a very powerful mix of tender and private and embarrassing that felt very little-girl-ish.
Since then, I have been required to use the diapers every time I am diapered. It has never stopped being extremely difficult and extremely embarrassing in spite of knowing he makes it safe. It is always a tremendous leap of faith, somehow. It is always giving up a little more control than I feel comfortable with, and this is, of course, what makes it meaningful. In spite of how difficult it is for me, it isn't something I have ever tried to renegotiate with him, except while it's happening, and there is no negotiating during.
He does expect me, now, to use the diapers upon his command, if I haven't done so on my own. I still tend to hold it as long as I can in hopes I can wait him out. Sometimes he gives me a direct order to go, right now. That's what I have the hardest time with. When I decide on my 0wn, I have time to prepare mentally for that loss of control. When he simply insists on "right now", I feel terribly exposed. There was one time I got in big trouble for resisting, and we had what I would sort of call a battle of wills.
When he told me to go, I just couldn't. I mean, not physically, mentally. I just wasn't ready yet, mentally, and I told him I couldn't. He knew that I could because it had been several hours and he gave me the order again. I said I couldn't again. He stood me in the corner and said I had five minutes. Now, I've never discussed this with anyone before so I don't know if my experience is shared with others who are diapered, but for me, going while standing up is even more difficult. So I was standing in the corner, with his eyes on my back, timing me, and I just could not bring myself to do it, even though I wanted to, both to please him and also just because I needed to. I guess maybe I was also feeling stubborn, which doesn't happen with me often, except for with this one issue. So I just didn't do it.
And when five minutes were up, he came up behind me, undid the tapes on my diaper and took it off and pulled me over his knee and spanked the daylights out of me with his slipper. I screamed. That rubber slipper is one of the most torturous items he uses and my bottom was searing hot when he was done. Then he took out the vaseline (always a foreboding sign) and inserted the big bottom plug, a little too fast for comfort. Then he put the diaper back on and stood me back in the corner, sobbing, and gave me another five minutes.
I was bawling, from the spanking and the stretching of the plug and also just the sheer humiliation of being forced to pee in a diaper in front of my husband. And yet, in spite of all that, I just couldn't do it. I was angry as well as embarrassed and I stood there, crying, and didn't do what he told me. I am almost never defiant and it's hard to explain, in retrospect, why this time was different than the others, when I had complied with his request. So when he told me the five minutes was nearly up and ordered me again, to go, I didn't do it.
Again, he came up behind me and took down the diaper, and took me across his knee. Has anyone else ever had a second trip across the lap a few minutes later? With an already scalding hot bottom, it took only one connection with that vile slipper to change my mind but he was having none of that. Because I had deliberately defied him, I was in for it, and I got cooked. I told him I would go now and to please please please stop! But he was not through with me because of my disobedience and he gave me a huge spanking that seemed to have no end. I should clarify about the difference here, between this spanking, and some of the others that have also seemed interminable. Usually when he spanks he does what he calls a "layering" effect. What that means is that he gives about 10-15 swats, then stops, and talks to me, then gives more swats, stops again, more talking, and so on. What this does is gives me time to breathe between rounds and gain some (though not much) composure. And the talking in between takes me out of panic mode and lets me focus on his words for moment.
Anyway, this second spanking had no such kindnesses. It was straight-through, no stopping, wholehearted whaling, with my hands pinned behind my back, his leg over top of mine to pin me down, and me panicking, struggling, wiggling, and yelling until I was hoarse. It was terrible. The lesson is that you don't disobey Daddy when he first gives you the chance to obey.
After that spanking I was a mess. I was gasping and sobbing and shaking and he wasn't terribly sympathetic at that moment, either. He simply readjusted the plug to make it deeper, redid the diaper, and dropped me back in the corner, and told me again, quietly, to go now. There was no five minutes to get myself together this time, and you can bet that I didn't wait half a second to obey this time. I did it right away, right that second and then kind of collapsed in his arms while he held me and rocked me and comforted me.
I have to admit that since then, I've never been that resistant again, but I have, at times, been punished for not obeying as quickly as I am expected to.
So that is my answer to the first part of the question. I will answer the second part next time.
I was wondering if your Daddy makes you actually *use* the diapers and also if he ever makes you take enemas like my Daddy does?
I was thinking I would let HIM answer this one because it's sort of an awkward discussion for me, but he's been so busy at work the last couple of week (in preparation for time off). So I asked him last night if he thought he would have time to tackle this question any time soon and I was rewarded by having him tell me that I was required to reply to it myself. I'm going to answer in two parts. Today I'll answer the diaper question.
So here we go...
First of all, he does make me use the diapers. As of yet, I think that this is probably the most difficult thing he has required of me in our relationship. I find it really really really difficult, even now, after many years of marriage, to be able to do that without a lot of anxiety and embarrassment. I think I've explained that we are not a couple that does diapering all the time, so perhaps this is why I've never gotten accustomed to it enough for it to stop being difficult, or perhaps it's just that I am a private person in many ways. When he first began diapering me he did not require me to use them, and would usually only leave me in them for a short time. This was something I actually really enjoyed (once I recovered from the initial reluctance), and found comforting and sweet. The ritual of being diapered is rather lovely, intimate and tender.
When he first suggested that one day I would be be expected to use the diapers, I completely balked. I told him I would never ever do that. He was gentle in his insistence but he told me that one day I certainly would and that when he decided it was time, I would do as I was told. He didn't insist on it immediately but began increasing the time spent diapered so that it became more and more difficult for me not to. That, coupled with his insistence on plenty of fluids made it inevitable that the time would come when I had no choice.
When the day came that he decided it was time, I had been diapered for a few hours and was getting desperate. He'd been feeding me juice all morning and I really needed to go. I asked his permission to go to the washroom and he said no, that the time had come that I was going to use my diaper for the first time. I flatly refused. He smiled and said he would wait. The thing is that you just KNOW you're going to lose a battle like that. But I crossed my legs stubbornly for as long as I could (only about fifteen more minutes) and then begged some more. I was actually upset, feeling kind of panicky, certain that I simply could NOT do what he wanted me to do. I was also blushing like crazy, something I hate about being fair-skinned when you just cannot hide how you feel!
I ended up in tears, begging him not to make me do this and he was very sweet and gentle but also very much in charge. He picked me up and carried me to the washroom and sat me on the toilet, still wearing the diaper, and wiped my eyes and hugged me to him and made me take deep breaths until I was calm again. (As I recollect this experience, it is with fondness, in spite of how difficult it was and still is, for me to do this. )
So, because I was at such a level of desperation, my stubbornness was fading and I tried to listen to his words and block out my own fears. It's a strange thing how sitting on the toilet, in that familiar position, made it much more possible to allow myself to do what he wanted me to. And so I did. I let go and I cried and cried and cried as well. It was such a letting go of personal control and giving him a part of my private self that I never thought I would give away to anyone.
He understood how difficult that was, that first time. He was incredibly reassuring, holding me and hugging me and telling me he was proud of me for trusting him, for doing as he asked. I really did feel like his babygirl when he lifted me back up and laid me down for a changing. I was blushy and so shy about that, but he made me feel safe and loved all through it so it was a very powerful mix of tender and private and embarrassing that felt very little-girl-ish.
Since then, I have been required to use the diapers every time I am diapered. It has never stopped being extremely difficult and extremely embarrassing in spite of knowing he makes it safe. It is always a tremendous leap of faith, somehow. It is always giving up a little more control than I feel comfortable with, and this is, of course, what makes it meaningful. In spite of how difficult it is for me, it isn't something I have ever tried to renegotiate with him, except while it's happening, and there is no negotiating during.
He does expect me, now, to use the diapers upon his command, if I haven't done so on my own. I still tend to hold it as long as I can in hopes I can wait him out. Sometimes he gives me a direct order to go, right now. That's what I have the hardest time with. When I decide on my 0wn, I have time to prepare mentally for that loss of control. When he simply insists on "right now", I feel terribly exposed. There was one time I got in big trouble for resisting, and we had what I would sort of call a battle of wills.
When he told me to go, I just couldn't. I mean, not physically, mentally. I just wasn't ready yet, mentally, and I told him I couldn't. He knew that I could because it had been several hours and he gave me the order again. I said I couldn't again. He stood me in the corner and said I had five minutes. Now, I've never discussed this with anyone before so I don't know if my experience is shared with others who are diapered, but for me, going while standing up is even more difficult. So I was standing in the corner, with his eyes on my back, timing me, and I just could not bring myself to do it, even though I wanted to, both to please him and also just because I needed to. I guess maybe I was also feeling stubborn, which doesn't happen with me often, except for with this one issue. So I just didn't do it.
And when five minutes were up, he came up behind me, undid the tapes on my diaper and took it off and pulled me over his knee and spanked the daylights out of me with his slipper. I screamed. That rubber slipper is one of the most torturous items he uses and my bottom was searing hot when he was done. Then he took out the vaseline (always a foreboding sign) and inserted the big bottom plug, a little too fast for comfort. Then he put the diaper back on and stood me back in the corner, sobbing, and gave me another five minutes.
I was bawling, from the spanking and the stretching of the plug and also just the sheer humiliation of being forced to pee in a diaper in front of my husband. And yet, in spite of all that, I just couldn't do it. I was angry as well as embarrassed and I stood there, crying, and didn't do what he told me. I am almost never defiant and it's hard to explain, in retrospect, why this time was different than the others, when I had complied with his request. So when he told me the five minutes was nearly up and ordered me again, to go, I didn't do it.
Again, he came up behind me and took down the diaper, and took me across his knee. Has anyone else ever had a second trip across the lap a few minutes later? With an already scalding hot bottom, it took only one connection with that vile slipper to change my mind but he was having none of that. Because I had deliberately defied him, I was in for it, and I got cooked. I told him I would go now and to please please please stop! But he was not through with me because of my disobedience and he gave me a huge spanking that seemed to have no end. I should clarify about the difference here, between this spanking, and some of the others that have also seemed interminable. Usually when he spanks he does what he calls a "layering" effect. What that means is that he gives about 10-15 swats, then stops, and talks to me, then gives more swats, stops again, more talking, and so on. What this does is gives me time to breathe between rounds and gain some (though not much) composure. And the talking in between takes me out of panic mode and lets me focus on his words for moment.
Anyway, this second spanking had no such kindnesses. It was straight-through, no stopping, wholehearted whaling, with my hands pinned behind my back, his leg over top of mine to pin me down, and me panicking, struggling, wiggling, and yelling until I was hoarse. It was terrible. The lesson is that you don't disobey Daddy when he first gives you the chance to obey.
After that spanking I was a mess. I was gasping and sobbing and shaking and he wasn't terribly sympathetic at that moment, either. He simply readjusted the plug to make it deeper, redid the diaper, and dropped me back in the corner, and told me again, quietly, to go now. There was no five minutes to get myself together this time, and you can bet that I didn't wait half a second to obey this time. I did it right away, right that second and then kind of collapsed in his arms while he held me and rocked me and comforted me.
I have to admit that since then, I've never been that resistant again, but I have, at times, been punished for not obeying as quickly as I am expected to.
So that is my answer to the first part of the question. I will answer the second part next time.
posted by Ireland's daughter at Thursday, December 22, 2005
2 Comments:
I am curious as to why there have been no comments after six plus years .. is this site still open ..
I am also curious about that...just found this site and LOVE IT! Would be a shame if it was no longer active...
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