January 24, 2006


I think I have a fetish for humiliation.

When I say the word humiliation, I mean something specific. I have said this before and been misinterpreted as perhaps being a woman who might enjoy being called names or somehow insulted. This isn't what I mean. Being called names or cursed at makes me feel sick inside; it makes me frightened. I know there are women who enjoy being humiliated in the way I described, but I am not this kind of woman.

The kind of humiliation I refer to is very different. It comes from positive attention, like being taken care of and adored to extreme measures. Though there is corrective and disciplinary action that fulfills this need of mine, it is not cruel and it is not cold. Rather the opposite, it is a kind of discipline that consists of being carefully monitored and paid close attention to, so that a punishment is clearly deserved and required, and comes with plenty of expressions of love, and plenty of reassurance when it is done.

In this way, being sent to the corner for ten minutes to think when I have misbehaved, or sent to bed early, can be a very sexual experience even without being touched at all. Being punished lovingly is embarrassing in the extreme, and yet it also warms my heart, and this in turn warms my body to accept his with great anticipation.

January 22, 2006

Being Sick

He takes care of me when I'm sick. Sometimes this is a blessing and sometimes it is a curse. At times when I simply want to roll up in my blanket and sleep, he will appear with the vaseline and thermometer, determined to get the most accurate reading in spite of my reluctance.

But he also makes me feel better. He sits on the edge of the bed and brushes my hair back from my face, and brings me cold juice to sip.

The time when his care becomes problematic for me is when I feel better but he isn't ready to let me return to normal life yet. Although I feel good, he will still insist on checking my temperature for a couple of days afterward. He will still insist on putting me to bed early and limiting my activity.

I have been sick this week, but I am feeling much better now. Now it still remains to convince Daddy to stop chasing me with the thermometer and making me choke down the giant vitamin pills. In spite of his desire to treat me as his little girl, he has never listened to my protests that little girls should not have to swallow horse pills, but rather should be given vitamin bubblegum, or liquid vitamin drops! I can't figure out why he is so insistant on the old vitamins the size of bullets, but I've never been able to change his mind.

I am looking forward to returning to normal life again, and will keep in mind the frequent temperature checks and vitamin-nagging also come with lovely backrubs and my hairbrush being used, this time, for its proper purpose, to brush my hair.

January 08, 2006

House Rules

Sometimes people are surprised to hear of an adult woman living with rules, voluntarily, but I like my rules. They make me feel safe and knowing that Daddy will enforce them when I slip is comforting. In some ways, what we do is poorly named "ageplay" because there is no game in what we do. It is not roleplay. We don't pretend that I'm in trouble so Daddy can spank me for things. He never punishes me unless I have truly done something to deserve it. There isn't a start time and an end time for our "scenes", because we live this way all the time. I never try to get into trouble on purpose, and there is no safeword when I do.

I don't like getting punished. I don't enjoy pain. I am not sexually aroused during a spanking because I don't like pain.

The part that is arousing is in my head. I don't know why I'm built like that, but knowing in my mind that I can be spanked, that I have rules, that Daddy has control over many things in my life, this is very arousing to me.

My Daddy is strict. He doesn't believe in letting things go and he is diligent about paying attention. Honestly, I don't know he can notice and remember every little thing when I have such a hard time attending to details, but he does seem to have super powers. He says it's because he doesn't want to let me down, but I also think it's because he doesn't want to miss a chance to spank me! Unlike me, I think Daddy actually enjoys giving a spanking. He certainly does it often enough to convince me so.

I have a lot of rules and some of them have become second-nature to me. Other ones, I have to work to remember.

These are my rules:

Mouth: My tongue must be kept civil at all times. No cursing. No yelling. Expressions of anger are permitted, but they must be respectfully addressed. I am also not permitted to say negative things about myself.

Body: I must take care of my body. That means that I am not allowed to do anything unsafe or unhealthy, whether or not Daddy is watching. This means I'm not allowed to eat crisps for lunch or break the speed limits or doing anything that might endanger my health or my safety.

Permissions: I am to remember that I am a little girl at heart, and so I must ask Daddy's permission for many things. I ask him what I may eat for a snack before dinner, I ask him if I may make a telephone call. I ask him before I make plans to go out. This is a rule that gets me into trouble constantly because I often forget.

Honesty: This one is really important. I am expected to be honest with Daddy all the time. This isn't so difficult in terms of avoiding telling mistruths. I don't do that anyway, but the hard part is that I am also required to report on myself. That means I may not leave out any information that I know Daddy would want to know. So, if I take a second cup of coffee at work, I must tell him I did that, knowing that it might get me in trouble. If I don't come out with something he would have wanted to know and he finds out, that gets me in huge trouble, because it's basically the same as telling lies.

Basic Daily Routine: I am expected to follow a basic daily routine and making changes to it without permission is not allowed.
- I have to eat breakfast every morning and take a vitamin pill.
- I am only allowed to have one cup of coffee per day.
- I must eat vegetables with both lunch and dinner and lettuce doesn't count.
- I must come home directly from work and make no stops without permission.
- I must take my cell phone with me whenever I am away from Daddy.
- I must eat all the dinner on my plate.
- I must go to bed at 9:30pm on weeknights. I am allowed to read until 10:00 and then I must turn out the lights without being reminded. On weekends, Daddy decides my bedtime depending upon what we are doing.
- I do not go out on weeknights unless there is a special reason.
- On weekends, if Daddy gives me permission to go out with friends, I have a curfew of midnight.

I think that covers most of the basic daily rules for regular days. On "little days" the rules are MUCH more strict.

Little Days: Basically, on little days I'm not allowed to do much of anything that a baby wouldn't. For example:
- no coffee
- only baby food
- wear diapers all day
- no grown-up books, newspaper, movies, computer, conversation or television
- ask permission for just about everything!

On little days I usually get spanked a few times because it's hard to stay little all day without forgetting. (Luckily, on little days he doesn't usually use spanking implements!)

So, that's a basic rundown of the house rules. I'm sure I've forgotten some and I would like to point out to Daddy that I don't need reminding of any I might have forgotten. I just saved them for later discussion. ;)
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